Stepping into the unknown is a scary thing. I recognize my own fear and anxiety in that area comes from an insecurity as I come to realize again my lack of control over life's circumstances. One of my deepest needs in life is to feel like I'm in control and that there is certainty. As a child I wanted to know what we would be doing that day and when. I needed to know what we would eat at meal times and when we were on holiday, what activities we would be doing that day. In knowing the plan, I found security. I liked to know what was ahead of me. In my late high school and early twenties years I had a plan of what my life was going to look like, what job I would have, the car I would like to drive, what age I would get married and when I would have kids and how many. It was all mapped out!!
Over the last few years my life has taken twists and turns that I never planned or would have imagined possible. I know now that I was never in control anyway. Any illusion of being in the driving seat of my life was just that, an illusion. Now as I step out, knowing full well that life is uncertain, it's a scary thing. Life hasn't changed, but my perspective has. I recognize my need for certainty and control, and yet at the same time I see that I am not able to manipulate the circumstances of life to be what I want them to be - no matter how hard I try. So if life is uncertain, why do we have this need for certainty and security? I believe that we've been created by a God who never changes, He's the same yesterday, today and forever and in Him we can be 100% certain. No matter what the circumstance, He will remain steadfast. It's in this truth that I'm clinging to as I nervously tiptoe once again into the unknown, knowing that He won't leave me, and that even if my plans and dreams don't work out the way I might want, ultimately His plan is the one that will prevail, and His plan is the one that is always best (not always most comfortable or most easy, but best). In this I am certain.